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The key things to avoid in a gay relationship

While relationships can have different thresholds for what is acceptable and unacceptable, there are certain behaviours that are always likely to cause damage or breed resentment over the long term. In this article we discuss the 6 most important things you should absolutely try to avoid in a gay relationship. Many of the suggestions are relevant to same-sex and opposite sex couples but there is a specific focus on bi/gay couples for this conversation. 

gay male couple holding hands

1. Mention you exes too much 

This can be off-putting for a number of reasons. When you become involved in a new relationship there should be an assumption that any past relationships are well and truly in the past and that you are both ready to put all your focus into the current one. While there’s no ‘one size fits all’ for what is a healthy level of talk about your ex-boyfriends, you should try to reach a common understanding on this if either partner starts to feel uncomfortable. 

2. Talk about how attractive other guys are 

This is an extension of number one. Mentioning other guys’ good looks can make insecurities fester as he will worry that you are harbouring feelings for other guys. A simple rule to follow is always to make him feel like he’s top dog, even if you are watching the latest flick with Ryan Reynolds! 

3. Stand idle in the face of homophobia or transphobia 

Unfortunately, while there’s been so much progress in recent years in the global fight against discrimination, many gay people have to put up with some form of homophobia on a daily basis. In particular some families can be unaccepting towards a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity and sadly some couples can get verbally or physically attacked in public. It’s important to show unconditional support to each other and yourself in the face of homophobia, whether conscious or unconscious.  

4. Use hook-up sites without agreement 

While couples are perfectly entitled to come to mutual agreements around things like polygamy and bringing additional partners into the bedroom, nobody wants to find their partner browsing through a hook up site or dating app. There is a very fine line between doing this and actually cheating and it should never occur in a healthy relationship.  

5. Remain silent on your true needs 

The more you look after each others‘ needs, the stronger your relationship will become as a result. In order to do this successfully you have to ensure there is honest and open communication. You should both be vocal about your true needs and wants and discuss this in a constructive, positive manner. Remember nobody can be a mind reader so be sure to maintain an open line of communication. 

6. Stop dating each other 

During the early days of a relationship, the idea of dating is generally met with a world of enthusiasm. This is especially true during the honeymoon period, however  dating should never die out no matter how long you are together. Always plan ahead and make sure you have dates to look forward to, no matter how big or small they are. If you’re tired of doing the same thing and are looking for some inspiration you can read some of our handy date guides here. We also recommend checking out our adult board game which you can find here.

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